No One Said It Would Be This Hard
by celeste9
Summary: Jess' first anomaly was a disaster.


_****_A/N: Written for the prompt, 'Jess, I can do this job'.

_**No One Said It Would Be This Hard**_

Jess' first anomaly was a disaster.

Lester remained in the hub for the duration of the team's time in the field and having him there made her nervous, made her hesitate in her actions and made her fingers fumble. She lost track of where each person was and was too slow to respond to them, getting confused when they talked over one another.

Basically it was a disaster.

When the anomaly was locked and Matt, Becker, and the soldiers who weren't staying behind were on their way back, Jess closed her eyes and heaved a sigh of relief that at least no one had been hurt. She could feel Lester's eyes on her, practically boring into the back of her skull, and waited with a dull sense of resignation for him to fire her.

But he didn't speak and eventually she heard the sound of his footsteps receding into the distance. Jess wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

It was maybe half an hour later when Lester walked back over to her, standing at her shoulder.

She tried not to flinch and swiveled in her chair so that she was facing him. "Can I help you?"

"How would you say that went, Miss Parker?"

Jess felt her heart jump up into her throat. _He's going to fire me, he's going to fire me..._ "It could have gone better. I... I messed up, I'm sorry. I can do better, I swear I can."

"Well, at least you don't make excuses for yourself."

"I can admit when I've made a mistake."

"Mistakes here get people killed," Lester said sharply, a harsh line of disapproval marring his face.

"I know that." Over Lester's shoulder Jess could see the team returning, Matt and Becker sharing a laugh. She could feel her face reddening when their gazes focused on her. She was embarrassed enough without Matt, and especially Becker, seeing her getting reprimanded by Lester.

Lester started speaking again and Jess guiltily gave him her full attention, hoping he hadn't noticed her wandering mind. "If you aren't cut out for this position, it would be better to get it settled now before any more time is wasted."

"I can do this job!" Jess only barely stopped herself from covering her mouth with her hand, mortified to have raised her voice like that in front of Lester. If she wanted to be seen as more than a silly little girl, she certainly needed to keep her emotions in check. Especially in front of Lester - he seemed the sort of person who wouldn't touch a strong emotion with a barge pole.

"Then do it. I have always put more stock in actions than in words, Miss Parker. Show me that you deserve to be here or I will replace you." With one last long, assessing look, Lester turned away from her.

Feeling a bit like she'd been slapped across the face, Jess was unable to look away from Lester as he strode through the hub and back into his office. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Jess had wanted so, so badly to make this work, to impress Lester, to show him that she could do this, that she could live up to what she had promised. She had let him down and, worse than that, she had let herself down.

"Careful, those nails look like they could do some damage."

"What?" Jess blinked, focusing first on the sudden appearance of Becker at her station and then at her hands. She stopped digging her nails into her palm.

Becker's expression was casually commiserative. "Don't get too down about it. Being yelled at by Lester is basically a rite of passage around here. Honestly, it feels weird when he doesn't have something to lecture me about."

Jess' attempt at laughter sounded weak and false to her own ears. "But Lester wants you here. I think he'd be thrilled to be rid of me."

"It isn't personal- Lester doesn't do personal. All he wants is for the ARC to run smoothly. We've been shut down once before; he doesn't want it to happen again. Our work here is important."

"Mistakes cost lives," Jess said, echoing Lester's earlier sentiment.

"Yes, they do," Becker said, a weight of grief and guilt heavy in his hazel eyes. "No one would think any less of you if you decide to leave. The ARC isn't an easy place to work and there's no shame in admitting it isn't for you."

Maybe not for some people, but Jess would be ashamed. She wasn't used to failing and even less used to quitting. "I know that I can do it."

"Good. It's important that you believe that because if you don't, you might as well pack your bags right now. I've got used to your overly cheerful greetings, I think I'd miss them." Becker was smiling at her with more warmth than she had ever seen from him.

Another flush rose in Jess' cheeks and this time it wasn't from embarrassment. She couldn't think of anything to say but luckily Becker moved away, off to do whatever it was he did all day in the ARC. Jess hadn't been able to figure that out yet.

For a few minutes, Jess simply sat at her station, idly flicking through the CCTV, but her thoughts were another place entirely. She needed a break.

Jess went into the bathroom, which was thankfully empty. She stood in front of the mirror and looked at her reflection. Still the same Jess, the same young face that no amount of make-up could ever make look older. If she looked older, would Lester approve of her? Would it help if she changed the way she dressed, tried to look more… conservative?

Probably not, Jess thought with a sigh. Looking older wouldn't have changed the screw-up she'd made of her first anomaly. What had she been thinking, taking this job? She was too young, too inexperienced. If she made an error, people could die. Innocent civilians, Becker's soldiers. She could get Matt killed. She could get Becker killed.

_I'm the best team coordinator you're going to find,_ she had boasted in her interview. She'd had no idea what she was signing up for.

But the thing was, Jess still believed that. She knew she was good. Her entire life people had praised her. Jess, you're so smart, you're such a hard worker, the way you can juggle so many tasks at once is brilliant. They had praised her because she had earned it.

She had earned this position, too. Jess was at the ARC because they had _wanted _her here. All she had to do was remember that she did deserve this job. She would prove it to Lester because it was true, simple as that.

Jess fixed her hair and smiled at her reflection. Yes, she was young, and that meant she would constantly be underestimated. She had been underestimated her whole life but she always won them over in the end. Underestimation only meant that she would look that much better when she showed Lester that having her at the ARC was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Because it was. She was sure of it.

* * *

><p>Two days later, when the ADD went off, Jess was ready. She set herself calmly in front of her monitors, checking the comms, pulling up CCTV she could locate of the area and traffic cameras along the route so she could redirect the team if necessary. She was in her element - computers and organisation. She could do this.<p>

_I can do this job, _she told herself, like a mantra. _I'm Jess Parker and I'm good at what I do. _

When she heard Lester venture out from his office to watch her again, this time it didn't make her nervous. He was good at what he did, too, and all he wanted was to make sure that his employees met his high standards.

Jess knew she did because no one set higher standards than she did.

_**End**_


End file.
